Caring for new
born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of energy. Reclaiming your s3x
life after
you have a child is a challenge that most couples face. Although it
is difficult, it’s doable. The most important thing is to have some reasonable
expectations of yourself and your body and you will get back into the s3xual
swing of things.
Many couples
have asked me over and again how they can get the green light for s3x after
having their baby. I need to say that before you start s3x post-delivery,
kindly make sure you do not have any postpartum vaginal discharges [ lochia].
Most new mothers can resume s3x from the fourth day of delivery to the fourth
and sixth week following delivery, regardless of whether you had a normal
vaginal delivery or a C/section. Having s3x before the discharge stops can put
you at risk of infection. Some women need a lot of stitches during childbirth
and this can also put s3x on hold for a longer period.
Couples must
understand that it is not that s3x is totally forbidden after delivery, but the
lack of sleep smothers many new mothers’ s3x drive. And one of the biggest
obstacles to resuming s3xual activities is the overwhelming fatigue that
accompanies the care for the newborn. For several months, most new babies
require feeding every two to three hours round the clock. As a matter of
fact, according to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of babies do
not sleep through the night at nine months and many do cry throughout the
night. This demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms to not only lose s3xual
desire and sensation, it renders them powerless for craving and pleasure.
The irony of new
baby’s demand is that it also has its toll on the new father, which means lack
of sleep also smothers the s3x drive of new fathers. The fact remains that most
new dads are more interested in s3x, even if they are tired as well. The point
here is that men crave s3x to help them feel emotionally close to their wives,
and also to relax, and most men can have s3x on the go, while most wives need
more than enough and lots of foreplay to become aroused.
I usually
tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest, unsurpassed and best s3x
facilitators is good, appropriate and timely communication between the couple.
So there is a need for the married couples to talk with and to each other if
either of the spouses is so tired, so that both of you will fathom out other
ways both of you can get rest, so you both can get into the mood for s3x. You
can start by asking your spouse or any available relative to watch the baby so
you can take a nap or try to have s3x in the morning after both of you have
rested, or try and work around the best timing for both of you.
I also need to
say this, after giving birth, the hormonal level of the woman changes a
lot. As a matter of fact, the oestrogen level decreases. This can cause a lack
of vaginal lubrication, which may make s3x less pleasurable and even very
painful. Although lubrication issues usually go away when the woman stops
breast-feeding and after the menstrual cycle begins, but if this is the case
with any couple, it is wise for a tropical lubricant to be used to reduce
irritation and aid pleasure.
Besides the low
level of oestrogen, there can also be the increase supply of protactine
hormones. This is the hormones that help and assist in breast feeding
Many new mothers
have reported cases of loneliness, aloofness and feeling of being sad, anxious,
irritated and loss after childbirth; different strokes for different folks. And
when such feelings are not identified and dealt with, they do interfere with s3xual
desire and may even persist for longer than the couples can handle. As much as
breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to bond
with their newborn, it may also get in the way of couple’s s3x life. The act of
constant nursing or pumping milk can make breast feel tender, sore or hurtful.
And with this experience, many women may not want to be touched there at all. I
usually tell married spouses that if they are worried and concerned about the
leakage or tenderness, they should try to keep their bra on during s3x.
Besides, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a baby can
make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine. It may make her feel
emotionally unattractive and can hinder s3xual feelings.
The truth
remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside and out. But how a new
mother feels about her new post-baby body can have a very big impact on her
feeling of s3xuality. Most women gain too much weight in a typical pregnancy
and many women get lots of horrible stretch marks, while a C-section can leave
a scar formation and the episiotomy could make the vagina look so
unattractively funny. All these may make a woman think she cannot be whole
again and feel a bit sad about her body; it may make her feel self-conscious to
accept the changes. But I need to tell a new mother that in reality, your
husband is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you
are disvaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for the
joy of making him a proud father and so on. And I would also say that you can
still engage in some moderate exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy
away from trying on new s3xy lingerie that can cover some new problems areas.
Vaginal delivery
may or has also over-stretched the vaginal walls which can decrease friction
and reduce s3xual enjoyment. And it will take some kegel exercises and pelvic
wall exercises for the muscle tone to return to that area in proper proportion.
It has been
however discovered that lack of interest in s3x after having a new baby from
either both the new mother and father could be more than just physical. There
may be some issues going on in the relationship that may need to be examined.
You both may need to ask yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with s3x?
A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the baby all
alone at home by yourself, changing diapers, nursing and looking unattractive
while your husband goes outside the house and spends time with friends. Or it
may be the fact that the presence of the husband in the labour room and seeing
the baby coming out of the vagina; this may become an issue he can’t bring
himself to agree with; making him to view the vagina as not a s3xy object he
used to cherish. Or the feeling that the baby has taken over his wife and all
the attention, care and love is showered on the baby.
I always tell
couples to try and explore all other alternatives. They should please remember
that s3x is not just about intercourse, s3x is also about pleasuring each other
and there are many ways to do just that. Have you both considered oral s3x? How
about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy? Even if or when you
are not feeling s3xual, you must try to connect with yourselves by kissing,
hugging, holding hands or cuddling.
And if you will
please don’t ignore this, you both have to schedule s3x. The reason being that
the first year with a newborn is very physically and emotionally demanding and
many married couples may have to realise their s3x lives may not be the same as
they were before the baby arrived. However, most s3xual issues women experience
following childbirth improve within the same very first year. Even so, s3xual
activity does not return but adjustment makes it lovely. All new parents need
to do is reschedule and tag along with the change. If you are both fine with
not having s3x as much, you are okay. But it is not about how much s3x you are
having or not but how much you both are genuinely happy with your new life
changes and how fast you both adjust to the new change and still have the best
of family life together.
Questions and answers
Can I be in my
menopausal stage at age 27?
Hello! I am a
27-year-old woman who has had a successful pregnancy – no miscarriages. I have
been on hormonal birth control pills for about 10 years with only a few breaks.
But in the past six months, I have had a range of symptoms that have got
progressively worse. My question is, can a 27-year or a 20 plus mother enter
into a menopause? I am experiencing many strange things in my body and my
doctor said it could be early menopause. I am afraid of this finding, please
help.
Kimberley Omotesho Silver
Actually,
with the level of your usage of hormonal birth control pills close to 10 years,
any alteration may affect your normal hormonal balance which can be a low
oestrogen level leading to early menopause. In some other people, it could
start with deep vaginal pain with intercourse and a burning, raw feeling in the
vagina after intercourse. As a matter of fact, it is possible to experience a
worsening of pain with intercourse along with night sweats, hot flashes, more
painful and longer lasting periods, dizziness, chest pains, heart palpitations,
headaches (almost daily), dry skin and eyes, and irritability along with
frequent bouts of crying, even after being treated further with some of the
artificial hormones. This is because your Ethinyl estradiol levels may have
become so much less than normal and your FSH would have been low because Ethinyl
estradiol is a strong estrogen and suppresses your FSH (which is the reason
many doctors or family planning officers use it for birth control.). And you
need to be off the pill for at least a month to six weeks to get a really good
read as to what your own normal hormones are up to. It would be very unusual
for you to be menopausal (but not impossible). This also may be because you may
have an issue with either your pituitary gland or the hypothalamus. However, it
is very important for you to see an endocrinologist but the most important
decision for you now is to stop the use of any birth control pills; go off any
medication and look for helping herbs. There are some herbs that help female
reproductive organs such as Red clover, black cohosh, blue cohosh, uva ursi and
turmeric. But if you have to go for medication, it is advisable not to ever mix
meds with herbs or supplements.
I am
just very ashamed
Why do I have a
curved erection? I experience this shameful painful curve penis especially when
I have full erection. There is this ugly scare formation that painfully and
usually turns my penis sideways when erect. I was told I was born this way. I
have over the years tried to straighten it up but the more I try the more
injuries I sustain and the more scare formation I see. Is this also another
form of erectile dysfunction because I can’t go near a lady? Oh, help me.
Driscoll Richard
From
your explanation, maybe this could be Peyronie’s disease. Peyronie’s disease is
caused by a plaque under the skin of the penis that results in a bent, or
curved penis when erect. A Peyronie’s plaque may result from injury to the
penis and/or genetic factors; however, the exact cause of Peyronie’s disease is
still much more unknown. Peyronie’s disease is unlikely to go away on its own
and may get worse over time with age. Three to nine per cent of adult males,
worldwide, are estimated to have Peyronie’s disease and it occurs more often in
men between 40 and 70 years old. Some men may think that it’s erectile
dysfunction; however, it is more of a “plaque” that can be felt and a curve in
the penis greater than 30 degrees. Researchers have identified some injection
that may be very effective. This injection is injected into the scar tissue or
Peyronie’s plaque and works to help weaken and break down the plaque. This
along with gentle stretching and straightening activities can help to
straighten the curve in the erect penis caused by Peyronie’s disease. Howbeit,
I will suggest you ask a medical doctor or a s3x therapist for such.
Loss of
appetite immediately after s3x stress
There is this
thing that has uncomfortably come to stay in my life, and that is extreme loss
of appetite immediately after s3x. Sometimes it takes up to two to three days
for my appetite to come back. This happens mostly after s3x, be it in the
morning or night. I am afraid if this is going to have effect on my general
health. When I started being s3xually active, the reverse was the case. Then, I
would be very hungry and could eat more than usual. Please help.
Sylvanus Ugoji
Hi, have you
observed your stress level lately, because when you get stressed, your body
reacts as if it’s in danger. Your brain releases chemicals, including
adrenaline, that make your heart beat faster and slow your digestion. That can
curb your appetite. This is called the fight-or-flight response, and it lasts
only a short time. If you’re stressed over a long period, this experience might
become a long-time issue. Then are you on any long-time medications? Many
medicines can have appetite loss as a side effect. Some of the most common ones
include antibiotics, antifungals, and muscle relaxants. Drugs that treat
migraines, high blood pressure, diabete can also affect your hunger. Have you
also checked your thyroid function level? Your thyroid hormones control how
your body turns food into energy. When that gland doesn’t make enough of those,
your body functions slow down.
Aging is another
thing that can make you lose appetite for long. Up to 30 per cent of older
people have less of an appetite than they used to. It can happen for a number
of reasons. As you age, your digestion slows, so you tend to feel fuller for
longer. Your sense of smell, taste, or vision may also get weaker. This can
make food less appealing.
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