No doubt, humans are gifted when it comes to multitasking,
regardless of the fact that women are better than men.
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| Five things that kill libido during s3x |
And it is even a thing
of pride for people to be able to do many things at a time. But of all human
activities, s3xual intercourse is one of the activities that do not go
alongside any other activity. It oftentimes requires rapt attention, for the
obvious reasons.
S3xual
intercourse can be exciting, especially when it is done with consent, in a good
atmosphere and there is no fear of being caught or unwanted pregnancy. But in
spite of the satisfaction and good feeling that come with it, findings have
shown that there are certain things people do that could be offensive to the
other partner while the action is on.
Such
actions have been found to dampen the experience of the other partner, and
inexorably it makes the action a not so interesting one. These actions include:
Watching TV: It would seem unimaginable for
someone to be watching television while having a romp in the sack, being an
activity that is all-encompassing, but findings have shown that it happens.
Interactions with certain persons revealed that people who do it do so because
they are not enjoying the act, and in order not to appear as preventing the
partners from having their way at that particular time, they give in, and so
while the activity is ongoing, they look for other things of interest. And of
course, the possibility depends on the positioning of the person watching the
TV. Specifically, while a woman could do it because she’s not enjoying it or
she is not interested, maybe out of a pending dispute with the man, a man could
do it if the woman does not reach orgasm on time, and he’s getting tired. “It
has happened to me before,” said a father of two who spoke to our
correspondent. He added, “My wife and I had a conflict at that time and she
said she was no longer interested in s3xual intercourse with me. She later agreed
because I insisted, but she didn’t participate, so while I was doing it, she
was watching a programme on the TV. When I finished, I stood up and left. It
can be disheartening but I can tell you that it happens.” Meanwhile,
relationship counsellors have advised that if such happens, it’s a bad signal
that couples need to talk about, because it could be a symbol of emotional
disconnection.
Calling the name of an ex: This is usually a slip of the
tongue during s3xual intercourse, especially when the excitement is at the
peak. People tend to call their partner’s pet names. But according to findings,
as encouraging and pleasing as this could be, it is said to be one of the few
things that can bring s3xual activity to an abrupt end; when people call the
wrong name. It is believed that when a man or woman does that during s3x, it
could mean that the person is having an affair with the person whose name was
mentioned, and if it is an ex-lover, it could as well mean that the person is
yet to let go of that previous affair. Experts have advised that it is a
mistake that should never occur, to avoid conflict.
Sleeping: It could also sound unbelievable
that someone could sleep off during s3x, but some reports and interactions with
some persons show that it is possible. It is more likely for women, who do not
engage in so much physical activity during the exercise. According to findings,
sleeping during s3x could happen if the woman is not enjoying it or if she’s as3xual.
A man, who did not want his name mentioned, told our correspondent that his
wife could best be described as as3xual, because she does not like s3x. He said
anytime she allows him, she could close her eyes and that occasionally, she
sleeps off, because she does not enjoy it and does not pretend about it. As
expected, such a s3x life is boring. He added, “There are times I make love to
her in the night and in the morning, she would ask if I did anything to her the
previous night. It is painful and frustrating. S3x should be participatory and
not a one-man show.”
Checking mobile phone: From the foregoing, one could
surmise that distraction during s3x could dampen the spirit of the other
person. And same applies to checking mobile phone during s3x, whether for a
text message received, an incoming voice call, task reminder, or to check time.
Picking up the phone when the action is ongoing has been found to be a huge
distraction. And so, it is to avoid such that people put their phones on silent
mode or they keep them out of sight while ‘it’ lasted. For the other person,
pressing the phone could mean that he or she wasn’t enjoying the act, and if it
is the woman who did it, the man could think he wasn’t doing ‘it’ well, which
is enough to erode his strength and confidence. Hence, to avoid such,
relationship counsellors have advised that people could do away with anything
that could divide their attention, as it sends a wrong signal to the other
person.
Standing up immediately after ejaculation: For men, once they ejaculate, they
feel tired and are more likely to either stand to clean up or sleep. But for
women, the story is different. Findings have shown that women cherish some
intimacy or cuddling after the exercise, and they want that to linger for some
time before the man sleeps off or leaves. However, interactions with some women
show that they tend to feel used or see such men as selfish if they stand up
the moment they ejaculate. It is even more so that most women would not have
reached orgasm by the time he ejaculates. Thus, sometimes, they need such cuddling,
which could include mere kissing, to drive themselves to climax. And
interestingly, even when they have reached orgasm, they still want some time
together in each other’s arms, unless they are pressed for time and it was a
quickie. Besides, men are advised to spend more time in bed with their spouses.
Overall,
some psychologists and relationship experts have advised that couples should
discuss their s3xual dissatisfaction with their spouses, to enable them to have
a mutually beneficial s3xual experience. Knowing that unsettled quarrels could
cause such disposition in between the sheets, they advised that couples who
have a happy home are not likely to experience such, more so that s3x, for a
woman, has a lot to do with her state of mind and emotional connection, unlike
men who are moved by what they see.
Speaking
on the reasons why some people engage in such actions, a psychologist, Prof.
Toba Elegbeleye, said people tend to engage in such actions to get through the
experience.
He likened
it to the situation that exists between a predator and its victim, noting that
the person enduring the act might simply engage in it to avoid violence or
conflict, which does not mean he or she would enjoy it.
He added,
“The victim, as it were, would have to display some methods of just allowing
the predator to have its way and get it done with. And there are many people
like that. If you must do it with somebody that does not really uplift your
libido, you would find some pastimes to be able to get you through it and that
is why such people look for distractions to take their minds away from the act
itself.
“Whether
we like it or not, some people would mention s3x with some love, joy and
passion, but to some people, it is nightmare; they mention it with nostalgia.
For such people, they tend to look for ways to distract themselves so they
could get through it. And it will not be surprising if the victim begins to
mumble names of other persons.
“Ultimately,
it’s a way of allowing an unpleasantness to pass. You devise other means of
letting the time pass in peace.”
He also
likened such act to the method deployed by prostitutes, as they do not enjoy
the act but look forward to the money. “By extension, this may be the
psychological philosophy that sustains prostitutes; it’s not as if they enjoy
the s3x, they get involved in it for what comes to them,” he added.
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