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| 15 meanings of sex to a real man |
In working with
couples, it is quite evident that men and women give different meanings to
lovemaking.
It is common, and not terribly surprising, that many women do not
fully understand the nature of the s*xual relationship from a man’s
perspective.
While it may be
true that most men think about s*x a lot, many scholars have assumed that it
has something to do with the testosterone. But men’s urgency about s*x is not
always about physical desire only. So, what does s*x truly mean to men and why
do they seek it? How might this be different from what females experience in
their desire and search for physical release and connection? Today we are going
to look at 20 things s*x means to a man.
One… S*x can
satisfy multiple needs at several levels for a man, giving him an opportunity
to feel closeness, vulnerability, reassurance and self-wholeness; all in one
experience.
What most women
don’t understand is that for many men, s*x is the deepest level of intimacy. This
is not an inferior type of intimacy; it is a male type of intimacy. To a man, s*x
can feel like the most profound, genuine sharing of himself he can ever
imagine. It is not just a robotic release of s*xual tension, it is the
experience of giving his all in the drive to feel as close as possible to his
married spouse, whether he feels he is in love or not. It is the fulfilment of
the most essential human need to connect.
Two… For the
man, s*x may replenish his soul, but to the woman, his interest may feel only
physical. Because a wife can get those same needs met partly in other ways, it
is hard for her to imagine that her man may get that primarily, and sometimes
only from lovemaking. Women naturally create connections in their lives, so
they have other sources of emotional fulfilment that men may only attain
through their s*xual experiences.
Wives think that
emotional intimacy is best achieved through talking about feelings and opening
up to one another. When their men are not interested in this kind of intimate
sharing, wives can feel lonely and unheard, lowering their interest in further
intimacies. Unfortunately, wives who feel emotionally disregarded perceive
their men’s s*xual pressure not as a need to connect, but as a need to take.
Many wives feel that if their husbands would be more emotionally responsive,
they might want to have s*x more.
Although
emotional openness is increasing between spouses, there is still an unspoken
limitation on how much emotional openness is acceptable in a man. Women have
societal permission to express their emotional needs, but males have been
trained to be enduring and don’t speak out. Only in the privacy of lovemaking
does the man feel free to share himself at all levels with his married partner.
Three … Another
thing men get from s*x is a rare opportunity to be vulnerable. By its very
nature, the s*xual experience reassures him that he is safe and accepted.
Vulnerability goes back to earliest childhood bonding when it was okay to
depend on someone. Because there is so much social emphasis on men being tough
and strong, it is easy to overlook how much men need to be vulnerable
sometimes, to be released from preoccupations of control and success. For just
a little while, a man can surrender in safety, and finally let go of it all.
Four … S*xual
connection for a man can also feel unequalled. Good s*xual experiences take
people out of themselves, lifting them out of their egos, and expanding them
beyond the little workaday self. The experience of transcending the mundane
reminds a man there is more to life than his daily routine. Lovemaking softens
tough male defences and moves him into the sublime experience of merger with
another person. Men are so pressured to be practical, rational thinkers that s*x
becomes their only way to rise above the tyranny of what everyone expects of
them. They can leave their brains and reconnect to their souls.
But problems
occur when men try to meet emotional and transcendent needs in s*x without
acknowledging that is what it means to them. S*x can then take on a driven,
addictive quality, as unspoken emotional needs are compulsively expressed in
action not words. The man is not aware of how truly needy he is, nor in which
ways, and so s*x becomes never enough, just like any intoxicant that is used to
satisfy needs it was never meant to.
Men must realise
that if they are trying to meet all these needs primarily through s*x, their
wives will get burned out. Women typically do not meet their emotional needs
primarily through s*x, and so s*x with an emotionally driven man may feel more
like giving than getting. In other words, she correctly senses that he is
trying to make a deep emotional connection under the guise of s*x, but because
he himself is often unaware of this motive, he does not understand why she
seems to see s*x as tiring. It is not the s*x that is tiring, it is the man
pretending his needs are only about s*x, as well as his reluctance to open up
emotionally and communicate in the rest of their relationship.
The more a man
is aware of his strong need for intimate connection, vulnerability, and
reassurance, the more he can find additional ways of getting his emotional
needs met with his wife outside the bedroom. Through sharing his feelings more
with his wife, his emotional needs can be met directly in a way that
replenishes the wife too, making her feel closer to him so that s*x is an
experience to be looked forward to, not avoided.
Meanwhile, wives
can have a new appreciation for the meanings s*x can have to their men. He
needs some understanding too. S*x for him is about a lot more than it looks
like.
Five … For many
men, s*xual contact opens up a gateway to their soul. Like turning on a tap of
running water, they suddenly get in touch with raw feelings, the virtues of
tenderness and the need to depend on another human being for warmth and safety.
Questions and answers
How does my body
talk to my brain for s*x, which one controls me the most during s*x, my body or
my brain?
The latest husband
Well the best
way I can explain is this, your brain stays in touch with your body through the
nerves. This network is called your peripheral nervous system, and it has two
major parts. One controls the things you don’t have to think about, like your
heartbeat or digestion (autonomic nervous system). The other (somatic nervous
system) connects your senses to your brain and lets you move your muscles. Your
brain is your body’s control centre, and your spinal cord is its message hub.
Together, they make up your central nervous system. Your brain is always
“talking” to the rest of your body. Messages go through your spinal cord to
your arms, legs, pen!s, vag!nal, clitoris, prostrate and all your other body
parts and organs. Your brain is also in charge of how you talk, walk, and even
breathe. There’s a lot going on in a small space, so it creates folds and
grooves to make room for all the information it has to hold. Your nerves are
made of tiny cells called the neurons. They carry messages to and from your
brain. You have billions of them. Some clue your brain in to what’s going on
with your eyes, breast, pen!s, vag!na and skin. Others take messages from your
brain to your muscles.
Does a man really go through menopause?
I am 65
years old, still want and love s*x but my strength is failing. Does a man go
through menopause?
Mr. Adamolekun Adamu Bello
Yes, a man goes
through menopause, but to a large extent, different from a woman’s. Menopause
is a term used to describe the end of a woman’s fertility; it literally means
the end of menstruation. Female menopause is characterised by changes in
hormone production. The male testes, unlike the woman’s ovaries, do not lose
the ability to make hormones. A healthy male may be able to make sperm well
into his 80’s or longer.
On the other
hand, subtle changes in the function of the testes may occur as early as 45-50
years of age, and more dramatically after the age of 70. Because men do not go
through a distinct male menopause period, some doctors refer to this as
androgen (testosterone) deficiency in the aging male. Men typically experience
a decline in testosterone production due to aging, but it can also be related
to some diseases like diabetes. Whether waning function of the testicles contributes
to such symptoms as fatigue, weakness, depression, decreased s*xual desire, or
impotence remains uncertain. If testosterone levels are low, replacing that
hormone may help relieve them. However, replacing male hormones can worsen
prostate cancer and high cholesterol levels.
Can a hysterectomy cause s*xual problems for a woman?
I am a
grandmother. Although still very active s*xually, I recently underwent a
hysterectomy. I still feel like having s*x and want to but my husband thinks I
should take it easy. Will engaging in s*x complicate my health?
Lovely grand mother
Some women may
experience changes in s*xual function after a hysterectomy (surgical removal of
the uterus). These changes may comprise a loss of desire, decreased vag!nal
lubrication and genital sensation. Furthermore, surgery can damage nerves and
blood vessels considered critical to a woman’s s*xual functioning. The best way
to go about it is trying doing things bit by bit. You may not have s*x the way
you used to before the operation and you may have to take things easy, even
when you feel you are okay. Little drops of water and little grains of sand
make a mighty ocean. As time goes on, you may resume s*x fully. So, take your
husband’s advice and be in good health.
How can I
improve my oral s*x skills?
I am a husband with keen interest in
giving my wife a good oral s*x, but I lack the skill and courage. Is there a
better way to go about it?
Christopher Silvanus
Think about
something you excel at and chances are, you rock it because you really enjoy
doing it. The same goes for giving great oral s*x. The best way to be great at
oral s*x is to learn to like it. Or at least act like you do. That will help
her feel more comfortable and then you will find you actually do enjoy it.
The biggest
mistake husbands make when performing oral s*x is going straight for the wife’s
genitals. Don’t dive right in like it’s a pounded yam-eating contest! She’s not
warmed up yet and it might even hurt her if she’s not aroused. The best thing
to do is to tease her and draw out the experience before you even start going
down. Plant kisses on her abdomen and thighs. Use your hands to gently massage
the area surrounding her vag!na to heighten her anticipation. When you finally
do make contact, start off slowly with slight licks and gentle caresses to warm
her up. Use both the tip and flat part of your tongue to flick and lick. Women
tend to prefer circular motions, but experiment with different speeds and
pressure, and pay attention to how she responds. If you’re feeling adventurous,
try tracing the alphabet with your tongue, or lightly humming to create a
slight vibrating sensation. You can also throw your fingers into the mix to try
a little G-spot stimulation along with your tongue. As she gets closer to
climax, keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Once she’s had her Big O, return
to the gentle kisses around her outer labia and thighs before popping your head
up to experience the praise for your hard work.
She is a top
official but I want to conquer her on bed
Please Funmi,
how do I get my top official wife to have s*x with me more often? Yes, she is
my boss at work but the only thing I can do to feel like a boss to her is to
make her want s*x with me more, as in like beg me for more. Give me clues.
Edopolo
Matthew
You’re never
going to “get” anyone to have more s*x with you if you look at it as a one-way
traffic. You want more s*x and you expect your wife to come along for your
pleasure ride. If you really want more s*x from your wife, tailor the s*x to
her needs, instead of focusing all your attention on your pleasure and your
ego.
While it’s
common for couples to have mismatched libidos or pay cheque, it doesn’t
necessarily mean she doesn’t like s*x as much as you do, or not accepting you
as her boss at home, she just might not need it as often, because of her work
demand. A woman’s s*x drive is tied to her brain and sense of security more
than her nether regions. This means she needs to be warmed up for action.
Foreplay starts after the last orgasm; so, if you’re feeling that she’s never
in the mood, work on turning her on. Send her a flirty text message and tell
her how good she felt last time you were together and what you’re going to do
the next time you see her. Speaking of foreplay, kissing is another overlooked
way to get things going and it’s often the first thing to slip by the wayside
in long-term relationships. Lock lips to enhance intimacy and connection.
The last thing
you want to do is to blame or pressure her, the more you push, the less she’ll
want to give which won’t result in more action for you. You get more s*x with
helping her to be comfortable with you and herself even though she earns more.
Sometimes, couples just aren’t matched up s*xually no matter what you do, so it
might take compromise on both parts to set a s*x schedule that works for both
of you.
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