Knowing how and when to say goodbye
is often difficult, even in informal situations. But learning to say goodbye
eloquently, tactfully, and appropriately is a skill that will help you maintain
your relationships and let people know you care. It's also easier than it seems
sometimes. Read on to learn how to recognize opportunities and anticipate
others' needs when you leave.
SAYING
SHORT-TERM GOODBYES
1
Recognize when to leave. When you're at any kind of
party or gathering, or even a one-on-one conversation, it can be difficult to
get away. Learning to recognize good opportunities to leave will make a
short-term goodbye much easier.
·
Notice if the crowd seems to be dwindling. If more than half the
people have left, it might be a good time to leave. Find the host, or your
friends, give a wave to the room, and leave. Try not to add too much emphasis
to your leaving - this could make them feel as if you are desperate to get out.
·
Leave when you want. If you know you won't be able to stay until
the end then you could perhaps speak to them beforehand or at the beginning of
the party. You don't need to wait for any special signal. If you're ready to go
home, or ready for the conversation to move along, say, "Well, I'll be
going. See you all later!"
2
Watch body language. Overstaying your welcome is
rude, but it can often be difficult to distinguish. People don't like telling
you that they'd like you to leave, so try to watch for signals. This may be
some other family members starting to pack up or the fact that there is hardly
anyone left.
·
If the host of a party starts cleaning up, or withdraws from the
conversation, gather your friends or belongings and make your exit. If someone
starts checking their watch, or seems otherwise restless, it's also time to
leave.
3
Make plans to see each other again. Even
saying, "See you at school tomorrow," or "Can't wait to see you
again at Christmas" keeps the goodbye light and focused forward. If you
haven't already made plans, use it as an opportunity to make them. Even saying,
"See you soon" suggests just that.
·
Set up a coffee date or meet for lunch later in the week if it
makes the goodbye easier, but don't commit to anything you don't want to. It's
ok to just leave.
4
Tell the truth. It can be tempting to come
up with a "good excuse" when you're ready to leave. You don't need to
(lying could also make them feel hurt if they find out you didn't mean it). If
you want to leave, just say, "I'm going to go now, see you later." It
doesn't need to be any more complicated than that. If you want to extract from
a conversation you're ready to end, "I'll talk to you later," is
likewise plenty.
SAYING
LONG-TERM GOODBYES
1.
Plan an appropriate time to talk
before the departure. If someone you know is leaving for several years to go
overseas, or leaving for college, it can be a stressful and hectic time while
they're planning a trip. Set up a definitive time and place to meet and say
goodbye. Likewise, prioritize your goodbyes if you're the one doing the
leaving. Don't make plans with people you don't really care about saying
goodbye to and forget to see your sister.
·
Choose an enjoyable location––maybe over dinner, or strolling
your favorite neighborhood, or spending time together doing something both of
you have always enjoyed, like watching a game.
2
Talk about the good times you've had. Recount
your funniest stories, reminisce about happy things. Dig deep into your past:
the things you've done together, the things that happened while you were
friends, the time you have spent together, maybe even how you met.
·
Don't start the goodbye the second you get into the room. Gauge
the person's attitude about leaving, or about your leaving. If it's a trip
they're not looking forward to, don't spend the whole time asking them
questions about their deployment. If they're excited, don't spend the whole
time bumming them out by telling them how much everyone will miss them. If your
friends are jealous of your job opportunity in France, don't spend the whole
time bragging about it.
3
Be open and friendly. It's important to establish
the standing of the relationship. If you want to keep in contact, let them
know. Exchange email, phone, and address information.
·
Asking for an e-mail address or phone number can be comforting,
so that you can still talk with them, but also be honest. If you have no
intentions of staying in touch, don't ask for contact details. It can leave a
departing friend wondering about your sincerity.
·
Make sure your family members are all up to date with your
location and status, and that you're up to date about them before either one
leaves. It's important to not give anyone the impression that you're
withdrawing or disappearing.
4
When it's time to leave, make it brief and sincere. Most
people don't enjoy a long, drawn-out goodbye, but make your goodbye personal.
If you need to express complicated feelings, consider writing them in a letter
for the person to read later. In person, keep things light and fun. Hug, say
your piece, and wish them luck in their journey. Don't overstay your welcome.
·
If you're leaving for a long time and can't take everything with
you, giving stuff away can be a nice gesture and solidify a relationship. Let
your band buddy hang onto your old guitar while you're gone, or give your
sibling a meaningful book they'll remember you by.
5
Follow up. Stay in touch if you'd made
plans to stay in touch. Talk on Skype or write funny postcards. If you
gradually lose touch with a friend or loved one you sincerely would like to
hear from, make an extra effort. If it seems as if your friend as become too
busy, try not to get too upset. Let things drift back together naturally.
·
Keep your expectations for communication realistic. A friend
going to college will make new friends and might not be able to keep up a
weekly phone exchange.
SAYING
GOODBYE FOREVER
1
Say Goodbye now. Putting off going to visit
a loved one in the hospital is always a mistake, as is waiting until the last
days before a friend leaves the country forever. Don't miss out on your chance
to say goodbye and brighten their final moments. Alone in the hospital can be a
terrible place to die. Be in the room and say what needs to be said. Spend as
much time with your loved one as possible. Be with him or her and support them.
·
Often, the dying want and are very comforted by one of four very
particular messages: "I love you," "I forgive you,"
"Please forgive me," or "Thank you." If any of these seem
appropriate, take care to include them in your goodbye.
2
Do what feels appropriate. We often have the
impression that death or other "forever" goodbyes are supposed to be
a somber and joyless thing. But follow the lead of the person leaving. Your
role is to be there for them and to comfort them in a time of need. If laughter
is desired, or seems natural, then laugh.
3
Tell the truth, selectively. It can be hard to know how
honest to be with the dying. If you're visiting an ex-spouse or an estranged
sibling, there can be lots of tension burbling under the surface, and
complicated emotions at work in their passing. The hospital doesn't seem like
the best time to let loose and tell off your father for being absent.
·
If you feel like the truth will hurt the person dying, recognize
this and change the subject. Say, "You don't need to worry about me
today" and change the subject.
·
It can be tempting to want to be overly optimistic, saying
"No, there's still a chance. Don't give up" if a loved one says,
"I'm dying." There's no need to dwell on something neither of you
know for sure. Change the subject to, "How are you feeling today?" or
reassure them by saying, "You look great today."
4
Keep talking. Always speak gently and
identify yourself as the person speaking. Even if you're not sure you're being
heard, say what needs to be said. The goodbye process in death works both
ways--make sure you don't regret not saying "I love you" one last
time. Even if you're unsure if the person can hear you, say it, and you'll
know.
5
Be present. Both physically and
emotionally, be in the room. It can be difficult to avoid becoming hyperaware
of the significance of the moment: "Is that the last time he'll say, 'I
love you'?" Every moment can feel tense and electric. But get out of your
own way and try, as much as possible, to experience the moments for what they
are: time with a loved one.
·
Often, the dying have a great amount of control over the actual
moment of their death and will wait until they're alone to save their loved
ones the pain of experiencing it. Likewise, many family members are committed
to being there, "To the end." Be aware of this and try not to put too
much emphasis on the exact moment of death. Say goodbye when it seems
appropriate.
Credits: wikihow.com
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