Do you feel left out when your friend hangs out
with someone else? It may be that your friend wants to make new friends and doesn't
realize that you feel left out, or it may be that one party is actively trying
to leave you out. This problem is not easy to solve, but it can be done.
1
Examine the group dynamics
closely. Does this new person try to get between you and your friend,
or do they naturally fall together? Does anyone make an effort to include you
in the discussion?
·
Perhaps your friend is just making new friends, and nobody
intends for you to feel left out.
·
Maybe the new person is interested in befriending your friend,
but doesn't click as well with you.
·
Or you and your friend are drifting apart.
2
Evaluate your relationship with
your friend. Have you ever teased your friend
to the point of hurting their feelings, pushed them around, or argued with them
a lot? Do the two of you seem to not have much in common anymore? It may be
that the new person isn't the cause of the problem, but that there is an issue
between the two of you.
·
If you're feeling confused, try asking an adult for advice, like
your parent or a guidance counselor.
·
If you're growing apart, it might be time to let the friendship
fade.
3
Take your friend aside and
explain that you're feeling a little left out. Be honest and considerate. It might be that your friend didn't
realize this, and will then fix the problem by including you more.
·
Example: "Kaja, I need to talk with you. Lately, when we're
hanging out with Melanie, I feel a little left out. I'm glad that you're making
new friends, but I'd like it if we could hang out a bit more together."
·
If there are any issues in your friendship, your friend is
likely to bring them up then.
4
Remain polite towards the other
person if possible. Most people do not intend to
"steal" friends; they just naturally click better with one person
than the other. Assume that they mean well unless they have proven otherwise.
·
Even if they have been rude or mean to you, try not to be rude
back. Be the better person, ignore the bad behavior, and go ask an adult for
further advice.
5
Schedule one-on-one time with
your friend. This way, you will maintain a
strong relationship.
·
Plan outings together: to the beach, around town, to an
amusement park, et cetera. This will give you and your friend bonding time.
·
Do arts and crafts. Try painting, making friendship bracelets,
drawing pictures of your favorite characters, et cetera.
·
Get your friend's phone number (if you haven't already).
·
If your friend wants to invite the new person, say "I'd
rather it just be the two of us this time, okay?" Then include the new
person some other time (or let them hang out with your friend on their own
time).
6
Consider inviting the new person
to join you sometimes. Despite the rocky start, you
could become a great trio!
·
Try planning some events that involve only you and your friend,
and inviting the new person along to some other events.
·
It's okay if you don't want to befriend the new person. However,
don't actively avoid them or try to separate them from your friend—this is
cruel and could lead to bullying.
7
Invest in other relationships. Make new friends, hang out with old friends, and spend time with
your family members. Spending time with other people will help you gain
perspective, and it will help you stay balanced.
8
Spend time on yourself. It's important not to get too hung up on one relationship.
Engage in your hobbies, take good care of your health, and spend plenty of time
relaxing. Take care of yourself first.
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